My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
