You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
