Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
