I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Still dying that you shit outside
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
