Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
