on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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