He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dignity is for republicans.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
