ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
