It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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