Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
