He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
