Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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