Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
