Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
