My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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