is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
