Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
