ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
then he tried to convert me to islam
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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