Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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