I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this beer tastes like vomit already
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
