Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont even know how to be here
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
