I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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