doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
