So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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