He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
