so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
