i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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