somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
