3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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