Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
