He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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