fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
