the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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