this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
