I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
