How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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