I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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