I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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