I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
