Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
