grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
