My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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