I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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