Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
