so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
