Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
