We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Michael Bay diarrhea
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
