I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
pray to the hookup gods
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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