On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
