My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
