I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
