my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
